I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm like, not good at living.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
