Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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