i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
