why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
