Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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