I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
