I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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