Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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