I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
