I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
