That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
