When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
