so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
