her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
