I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
