You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
