Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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