I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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