i think my tv is drunk
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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