Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
nutella sex= disaster
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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