Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
