It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
