there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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