i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
