OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
