Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
