i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
