dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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