I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
