Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.