well I can't set my house on fire every night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
sexting just seems like too much work right now.