the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
