Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.