I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
