i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
cat food counts as protein by the way
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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