Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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