My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
