i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
