20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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