so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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