Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Randomize
