Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
