You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
