At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
