found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
