He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
