Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
