you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
