Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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