I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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