Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We need to get me chipped asap
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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