And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
