How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
