I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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