I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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