My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
