Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
