just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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