glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my sisters under your porch take her home
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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