So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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