YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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