I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
