I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
