why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
