I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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