T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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