I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
