Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This house was built for laser tag.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
