Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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