Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
someone owes me an orgasm
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
