im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
