Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
