I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
