is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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