No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
