Just took my morning after pill in the library
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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