i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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